How To Really Talk To Your Partner About Important Stuff
If you are looking for Relationship Counselling in Manchester, you are probably struggling communication with your partner.
There are several things that everyone wants in their relationship. They want to be heard, understood and validated. They want their partner to know what’s going on for them and “get it”.
Many couples that come to my marriage counselling sessions in Cheadle just don’t feel heard by each other.
They are both screaming “SEE ME” at each other, metaphorically and sometimes literally. They feel they are getting nowhere.
This is why I love Imago dialogue.
What is Imago Dialogue?
The Imago dialogue process is pretty simple. It was devised by Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt, who stumbled upon it by accident whilst having an argument. Read the full story here.
Imago Dialogue provides a safe, structured way of talking you your partner.
One person talks, the other listens and mirrors back what their partner has said. This continues until the person who is talking (we call them the sender) has finished what they have to say.
When the sender has finished the person who has listened (we call them the receiver) summarises what they heard, validates what they heard and empathises with their partner.
Why is Imago dialogue so fab?
I’m going to explain it from my perspective, what it’s like for me when I dialogue with my partner.
Sending what’s going on for me to my partner feels like an open road.
She’s there listening to me, just listening.
I can say what’s going on in my head and I know she’s not going to butt in, tell me I’m wrong or even come out with something to show she is agreeing.
I can explore my stuff and she will just mirror back what I said.
And that’s the other benefit. She mirrors back what I said.
My brain tells me I’m not important
Sometimes my brain tells me I’m not important. It’s a tricky little bugger like that.
When I’m talking to my partner normally I’m not sure she’s listening. She probably is most of the time but my brain tells me I’m not important and I make up that she’s ignoring me.
This is not her stuff, it’s mine. Only when I dialogue, it doesn’t happen because I hear her mirror everything I say.
This feels comforting for me and I feel closer to her. She’s healing one of my childhood wounds.
It’s great to shut up
When I’m the receiver listening to my partner talk Imago dialogue gives me permission to shut up and pay attention.
In a normal conversation I may well be thinking of how I’m going to respond to what she’s saying either in a supportive or defensive way.
So half of my brain is not there for her, it’s thinking of my reply.
In Imago Dialogue I have full permission to listen and just mirror back. I don’t have to look after her and show her that I agree or prepare a super witty response. It feels like a big relief!
It’s intense man!
Dude, this is intense stuff! I talk and get listened to and then I listen back with all my being. Wow! And like open roads – Imago can be fantastically exciting and a bit scary.
It leaves me with an amazing feeling of connection, understanding and closeness.
Fancy giving it a try?
If you are looking for Relationship Counselling in Manchester and want to work with a Certified Imago Therapist, then why not book a session using my booking form.
If you have questions you could give me a ring on 07966 390857 or contact me on this form here.
I work with straight couples, same sex couples, old and young couples but not every couple.
You both have to be up for moving forward in your relationship, be willing to own your own stuff and look after your partner whilst you talk.
If you can do that then I can’t wait to see what Imago dialogue can do for you.
Buy The Video
My partner Joanna and I have now created a video training to walk you through every stage of the dialogue process. Buy the videos and learn to dialogue in the comfort of your own home. Click here to be taken to our Online Training website.
Alternatives to Relationship Counselling In Manchester
An alternative to having Relationship Counselling in Manchester is to come and do a weekend workshop with me.
The ‘Getting The Love You Want’ Couples Weekend Workshop is not therapy. It’s an educational workshop designed to teach you the skills to have a better relationship with your partner.
If you want to read more, just click here.
Read the book
“Getting The Love You Want” (affiliate link) is the only book you need to read about Imago Relationship Therapy. Harville Hendrix is easy to read, explains why you chose the partner you’re with and how to have a better relationship with them.