Blog Posts

Who’s Breaking Bad Mike In Your Relationship?

By Ian Tomlinson

Have you ever stood back from your relationship and looked for patterns? Try it now.  Notice if you spot any familiar positions you and your partner take. One position that may not be immediately obvious is the one around disappointment. Chances are that one of you is Breaking Bad‘s Mike Ehrmantraut pretty much all the time! If you’ve not seen the show, Mike is a hit man and “fixer” who seems to spend the entire series being let down.  He is pretty much impossible to please.  Can you imagine having him as your other half? Disappointed with your partner? If…

Marriage Counselling Most Frequently Asked Questions

By Ian Tomlinson

If you are looking for ‘marriage counselling near me’ then you probably have a tonne of questions about how marriage counselling works. As a marriage counsellor in Cheadle, lots of people ring up and ask questions about marriage counselling. Here are the most frequently asked questions and my most commonly given answers. Does couples counselling work? Good question! I wrote a whole blog post, just on this issue (read it here). Here’s the edited highlights … Yes, and er, no.  It depends on the couple.   If you are coming to couples counselling to get me to fix your other…

ACT defusion from thoughts

Defusion. How To Deal With Difficult Thoughts.

By Ian Tomlinson

Ever got stuck in thoughts?  Had a thought going round and round in your head that’s driven you bonkers? Humans are a rare animal indeed.  We have language.  Language is an amazing tool and has allowed us to dominate the planet. The downside of language though is that we get stuck in it sometimes, a bit like a fisherman getting tangled in his own net. The downside of thoughts It’s pretty easy for us humans to get fixated on a thought about ourselves or someone else, project ourselves into the future or ruminate on the past. All of those private…

values based living

Values Based Living. How to Connect To What’s Important.

By Ian Tomlinson

The vast majority of people who come and see me in my therapy centre in Cheadle want me to get rid of something for them.  They want me to get rid of their anger, anxiety, sadness, grief, depression, jealousy or other unwanted feeling. This makes complete sense.  Humans don’t like pain.  We want to get rid of it. I will invite each one of them, and you reading this blog post, to connect with the other side of that coin. What’s important in your life? What many of us forget is that whilst we are furiously trying to get rid…

Dealing With Jealousy

By Ian Tomlinson

Is jealousy a big part of your life?  Does the green eyed monster attack just when you least expect it? I’ve blogged a lot about jealousy through the years, mainly because it’s the issue that brought me into therapy twenty years ago. Jealousy Counselling Cheadle As a young twenty something man I would become insanely jealous of what my partner was doing, where she was going, who she was with, even what she was wearing. It became unhealthy for me.   It kept me up and night and spoilt the relationship I had with her.  We had unnecessary arguments about…

How To Prevent A Panic Attack

By Ian Tomlinson

Are you experiencing anxiety?  Do you find that things start to spiral and you end up having a panic attack? Panic attacks are a common behaviour for people with anxiety and build up to almost mythical levels of dread for many of the clients I see in my therapy centre in Wilmslow, Cheshire. A few facts about panic attacks You can’t be hurt by a panic attack.  Nothing bad happens.  Your brain may tell you that panic attacks are terrible but connect with your experience. Stand back and notice.  Think of a time when you had a panic attack.  Did…

When Depression Bites – PLEASE yourself

By Ian Tomlinson

Counselling For Depression In Cheadle If you are struggling with depression, or any other mood altering condition like anxiety or stress, it’s really easy to get caught up in your thoughts and neglect yourself. I offer counselling for depression in Cheadle. When working with clients I will invite them to click in to PLEASE yourself mode.   It’s about going back to basics and building from the ground up. So: Treat Physical Illnesses If you are on medication then make sure you are taking it.  If you have any physical cuts or illnesses that need dealing with then get them…

7 Ways To Make Your Marriage Work Better

By Ian Tomlinson

You may be looking for a Relationship Therapist in Cheadle because the connection to your partner is strained. You may need guidance on how to talk to each other in a way that increases safety and reduces conflict. It makes sense that you are struggling, most relationships have difficult times during their history. In this post I will discuss some things you can do to bring back the joy into your relationship. No Manual Provided For Your Marriage Think about the most important things you do in life.   In most of them such and work, hobbies, driving, and academic…

Anger Management: Lies You May Be Telling Yourself

By Ian Tomlinson

Anger Management In Cheadle Having offered Anger Management in Cheadle for many years now I’ve noticed there’s a lot of nonsense talked about anger, and many of the myths can perpetuate the problems anger creates.   Here are five stories you might be telling yourself about your anger that  point out are just not true. Lie 1: Being angry and aggressive is instinctual to all animals Er, nope.  Anger does serve a purpose when we need to defend ourselves but look at other animals. They only get aggressive when they are trying to stay alive and feel threatened or are…

Acceptance And Commitment Therapy Explained On A Postage Stamp

By Ian Tomlinson

In my counselling practice in Cheadle, Cheshire I use Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) with many of my clients. Why?  It works! In this post I will introduce you to the main concepts and explain how you can use them to move yourself towards a richer, more fulfilling life. Can you write small? If so you could probably explain ACT on the back of a postage stamp. (I have big scruffy handwriting so don’t ask me to do this!) Accept difficult thoughts and feelings Connect with what’s important in your life (your values) Take action towards your values There –…

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