Blog Posts

Does couples counselling work?

Does Couples Counselling Work?

By Ian Tomlinson

If your relationship is struggling it would make sense for you to wonder does couples counselling work? Couples counselling is not cheap, requires you to find a good couples therapist and then make time for the sessions – all demanding. So does couples counselling work? “Yes” and also “No” well actually it’s “It depends” Confusing?  Let me explain. Going to the gym Imagine you decided you wanted to get super fit.  You signed up to the local gym and you met Kev the gym coach.  Kev is ripped.  This man knows what he is doing.  Kev is the sort of…

couples counselling in Cheadle, Cheshire

Why I Trained In Couples Counselling

By Ian Tomlinson

Marriage Counseling Cheadle If you are finding life with your partner difficult and need someone to offer support then I have trained specifically to work with couples.  You may ask yourself why I mention this.  Surely all therapists are trained to work with couples? Sadly not. I offer Marriage Counseling Cheadle, Cheshire.  What I notice about many therapists that offer Marriage Counseling is that they have had little training to work as Marriage counselors. In the five and a half years I spent training in counselling and psychotherapy, I received one day of training on working with couples.  One day! This…

couples counselling Cheadle

How To Do Couples Counselling

By Ian Tomlinson

If you are thinking of having couples counselling and are not sure what to expect here are a few pointers. I work as a couples therapist using Imago Relationship Therapy in my psychotherapy practice in Wilmslow so know a thing or two when it comes to couples therapy. Couples counselling can be challenging Be prepared to do some work if you are going to couples counselling.  The therapist is not a judge and will expect you and your partner to do the work. If you want the therapist to tell you who is right and who is wrong then the chances are…

Do I Have An Anger Problem?

By Ian Tomlinson

Anger is just another emotion along with happiness, sadness, fear and anxiety.  So how do you answer the question “do I have an anger problem?” I work with clients who have anger problems frequently (but not like this).   The people I see in my counselling practice in Cheadle are mostly men who are finding the behaviour that they carry out when they feel angry is seriously impacting their lives. We work together to move them on to having richer, more fulfilling lives. So how do you know if you have an anger problem?  Here’s a few pointers that might…

The Aim Of Transactional Analysis

By Ian Tomlinson

In many of my blog posts I talk about what I see as the aim of therapy.  As a therapist I work with my client to move them towards a rich, fulfilling life. Notice I did not say happy life.  Since happiness is an emotion then you can reliably predict that it comes and goes.  You have no say in when it does either. If your aim in life is to be happy then you fall into The Happiness Trap.  The happiness trap involves chasing something you have no control over and then becoming frustrated/angry/despondent/ anxious that you can’t control it.…

What Is An Ego State?

By Ian Tomlinson

Last week I talked about the core assumptions of Transactional Analysis, the principles that underlie the theory. In this week’s post I’m going to introduce on of the fundamental theories in TA, ego states. What is an ego state? An ego state is a consistent way of thinking, feeling and behaving. According to Eric Berne there are three different ones: Parent ego state Thoughts, feelings and behaviours that you have copied from your parents. Adult ego state Thoughts, feelings and behaviours that are a direct response to the here and now. Child ego state Thoughts, feelings and behaviours that you…

What Is Transactional Analysis?

By Ian Tomlinson

Transactional analysis is a “theory of personality”. It’s a way to understand yourself, others and the relationship you have with others. As you get to understand the different parts of the theory then you will find you have more “oh I get why I do that” moments. As your awareness about yourself grows, so does the opportunity to do things differently if you want to. What Transactional Analysis is not is the truth. It’s a theory. “All theories are lies in search of the truth*.” The basic philosophical assumptions of Transactional Analysis. TA is based on three core assumptions. It’s…

How Is Transactional Analysis Therapy Useful?

By Ian Tomlinson

I’m a pragmatic guy. If something is not useful then I sometimes struggle to see the point of it. This does not make me a very fun guy to hang out with in art galleries. I’m not great at buying clothes for myself either, though I do get that they are useful – I’ve got some clothes that I bought ten years ago so why should I buy more? Jewelry I definitely don’t get. It doesn’t do anything. I can’t comprehend why people are willing to pay thousands of pounds to buy something so … useless. We are all entitled…

How To Do Therapy

By Ian Tomlinson

Once you find a counsellor – then what? So, you’re trying to find a counsellor and start therapy? It’s a big step and hopefully, one that will change your life for the better. The prospect of sitting in front of a total stranger talking about difficult stuff is bound to be a scary one. So how do you “do” therapy?  Here’s a few pointers from my perspective as a therapist and also as a bloke who’s spent years in therapy himself. First time in therapy? Relax, you’re OK First off understand that you’re not a freak and you are not…

Why You Need A Budget And How To Get One

By Ian Tomlinson

Are you struggling to stay within your means financially?  Do you find that you overspend but don’t even realise you are doing it? You may think that talking about financial issues on a counselling and psychotherapy website is a bit odd but many of the clients who come to my therapy centre in Wilmslow talk about how stressful dealing with money can be. You don’t have to be poor to worry about money It’s not just those in lower paid jobs that struggle with money.  I work with many wealthy clients who still find balancing the books a challenge. Once…