Blog Posts On Improving Your Relationship

Getting the Love You Want Couples Weekend Workshop.

Five Reasons Why You Should Come on the Getting the Love You Want Couples Weekend Workshop

By Ian Tomlinson

Let’s be real – is your relationship everything you dreamed it would be? Or do you sometimes feel stuck in that frustrating loop of having the same arguments over and over, feeling disconnected, or just sensing something’s missing? If you’re thinking “yep, that’s us,” don’t worry – you’re in good company! Almost every couple goes…

Working as a therapist with neurodivergent couples.

Working With Neurodiverse Couples As An Imago Relationship Therapist

By Ian Tomlinson

In this post, I would like to explore how we might work with a neurodiverse couple, that is, a couple where one of the partners is neurodivergent and the other is neurotypical, or a neurodivergent couple where both partners are neurodivergent. As an Imago Relationship Therapist, I do have Imago in mind, though much of…

guide for therapists domestic violence

When Love Turns to Fear: A Couples Therapist’s Guide to Managing Domestic Violence Disclosure

By Ian Tomlinson

As a psychotherapist, sitting with a couple in therapy can be a deeply moving experience, but when one partner discloses domestic violence, everything shifts. The room changes. Your role changes. And you need to respond appropriately . I decided to write this blog post because one of the most common questions I get from therapists…

Living By Intentions – What’s It All About For You?

By Ian Tomlinson

What’s the point of you coming to psychotherapy? Why bother coming to couples counselling? Here’s my premise: it’s easy to start both activities and forget why you started in the first place. This is a reflection of how we live our lives. You fall into autopilot and do things because you’ve always done them, never…

How To Deal With People In Your Life That Are Self Absorbed

By Ian Tomlinson

Let me tell you about Dave (not his real name, his real name is Mike – only joking, let’s carry on…) Dave has the fascinating capacity to turn every conversation back to himself.  If I say I’ve got toothache, he’s had root canal surgery.  If I like The Smiths, he will have seen them live in concert…

How To Improve Your Relationship In Only 4 Minutes A Day

By Ian Tomlinson

What can you do in 4 minutes?  Make a brew?  Boil an egg?  Shift your relationship with the one you love?  Oh yes my friend – all of these are possible and I will tell you how. Now given that you’ve probably mastered the brew making and the egg boiling, let’s jump straight into how to improve your relationship in…

The Drugs Of Love – A Simple Guide To Love Hormones

By Ian Tomlinson

Can you remember when you first fell in love?  Awesome wasn’t it? And there’s a reason for that – you were off your face on drugs! Not in a bad way I hasten to add, and you couldn’t help it.  It was just your bodies very cunning way to get you to find a mate and reproduce.…

4 Ways To Make Your Partner Feel Loved

By Ian Tomlinson

Want to make your partner feel more loved? Making your other half feel cared about is straightforward, honest! Here’s 4 simple but important ways of doing it. 1. Show Up You will have been in one of those situations that has resulted in you saying, “I’ve really found out who my friends are with this”.  That’s…

committed action in acceptance and commitment therapy

The Magical Power Of “So What?”

By Ian Tomlinson

Committed Action In Acceptance and Commitment Therapy I cringe at myself every time I ask a client to “tell me about your childhood. ” As a psychotherapist, it’s a legitimate question, but it’s so bloody stereotyped! It reminds me of one of my favourite tracks as a kid – “Hyperactive” – by Thomas Dolby. Now,…

Win The War In Your Relationship

How To Win The War In Your Relationship

By Ian Tomlinson

Is your relationship a battleground?   Want to know how you can get the upper hand? My guess is that you will engage in one of two strategies to win this war. Strategy 1 – Maximising Maximisers are very good at pushing forward and getting their point of view over, often loudly. If you’re a maximiser…