Blog Posts
How To Deal With People In Your Life That Are Self Absorbed
Let me tell you about Dave (not his real name, his real name is Mike – only joking, let’s carry on…) Dave has the fascinating capacity to turn every conversation back to himself. If I say I’ve got toothache, he’s had root canal surgery. If I like The Smiths, he will have seen them live in concert 5 times. If I’m doing X, then Dave will have done X+10. Dave is self absorbed. Dave does not have the capacity to pick the ball and then pass it back under any circumstances. It’s more that he sees the ball, grabs it and runs into the distance,…
Are You An Autopilot Zombie Sleepwalking To Your Doom?
Autopilot behaviour happens to us all. It’s all of those behaviours you do without even thinking. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) is particularly interested in this behaviour because it often gets in the way of you having a rich, fulfilling life. Sometimes it’s like you’ve morphed into a zombie and you are sleepwalking yourself into Hell. When you wake up it can be too late and leaves you dealing with the aftermath. Shiny Head What things do you do on autopilot? Here’s a couple of mine: When I’m having a shower, I often can’t remember if I’ve washed my hair or not. …
How To Improve Your Relationship In Only 4 Minutes A Day
What can you do in 4 minutes? Make a brew? Boil an egg? Shift your relationship with the one you love? Oh yes my friend – all of these are possible and I will tell you how. Now given that you’ve probably mastered the brew making and the egg boiling, let’s jump straight into how to improve your relationship in 4 minutes a day! I want you to focus on transition times. These are times when you are shifting from one thing to another and there are 4 well-defined ones that stand out above the rest. When you wake up When you leave for work When…
The Drugs Of Love – A Simple Guide To Love Hormones
Can you remember when you first fell in love? Awesome wasn’t it? And there’s a reason for that – you were off your face on drugs! Not in a bad way I hasten to add, and you couldn’t help it. It was just your bodies very cunning way to get you to find a mate and reproduce. The Romantic Phase In Imago Relationship Therapy, we call the first phase of a relationship the Romantic Phase. Many things are going on, but one of the key changes you will experience is the chemicals that are being bumped into your body by your brain. Let’s…
4 Ways To Make Your Partner Feel Loved
Want to make your partner feel more loved? Making your other half feel cared about is straightforward, honest! Here’s 4 simple but important ways of doing it. 1. Show Up You will have been in one of those situations that has resulted in you saying, “I’ve really found out who my friends are with this”. That’s what I’m talking about. Being there when the shit hits the fan and they need support. Showing up involves attuning to your partner and knowing what’s going on in their lives. You find this out by talking to them. No really, I’m not being facetious. So many couples…
How To Deal With Unhelpful Thoughts
My brain is a total meff, in fact, it usually talks utter rubbish. Arguing with my brain is a complete waste of time. It’s stubborn, always knows best, and stares back at me with an uncomprehending gawp if I disagree with it. If you have teenage kids, you’ll know the look I mean. ACT Metaphor To The Rescue In Acceptance and Commitment Therapy there is a lovely metaphor about brains, The Over Enthusiastic Unhelpful Assistant. Let me explain it to you. I want you to imagine you have an assistant following you around all day, I’ll illustrate by telling you about…
Why New Year Resolutions Suck and What To Do Instead
Over this Christmas holiday, I have spent a higher that usual percentage of my week sitting on the sofa and force feeding myself. It’s tradition. Like a rather rotund hamster, I have shovelled the Quality Street and honey roasted peanuts down my gob in a way that would suggest they could be taken away from my at any time. This is in stark contrast to the ads I see on the TV whilst I’m watching Elf or the Grinch for the fiftieth time. There are adverts for ‘healthy’ foods and gyms telling me I need to be fitter, sexier and more buff. The adverts…
The Magical Power Of “So What?”
Committed Action In Acceptance and Commitment Therapy I cringe at myself every time I ask a client to “tell me about your childhood. ” As a psychotherapist, it’s a legitimate question, but it’s so bloody stereotyped! It reminds me of one of my favourite tracks as a kid – “Hyperactive” – by Thomas Dolby. Now, I don’t have a Therapy couch and I don’t look as crazy as the shrink in the video. Rarely do my clients burst into song when I enquire about their upbringing. I do, however, have to work hard not to ask that question in a…
How To Win The War In Your Relationship
Is your relationship a battleground? Want to know how you can get the upper hand? My guess is that you will engage in one of two strategies to win this war. Strategy 1 – Maximising Maximisers are very good at pushing forward and getting their point of view over, often loudly. If you’re a maximiser you are probably shouty and determined that your partner hears you, so if they move away from you, you shout more. Strategy 2 – Minimising Minimisers take their energy in and disappear into themselves when it all kicks off. You might withdraw physically, go into…
The One Thing My Grandad Taught Me That You Need To Know
My Grandad, Walter, was a man of few words. I can only ever remember him saying three things. A traditional man, working class to the core, he’d sit in his armchair smoking whilst my Gran would whizz around him tending to his every need. It was a relationship that seemed to work. This was the 1970’s and to my young eyes, both of them seemed to know their roles and carry them out with diligence. Words Of Wisdom You May Choose To Ignore The council house they lived in was small and well run and looking back on it now…